Today...oh today was a combination of good, bad, worse and better all together. I woke up to Samantha outide my window screaming my name, at nine in the morning. Then Adam wasn't home till eleven. In between then all I heard was complaining. Along with that complaining on a beautiful day.

Okay so it was dark, and raining but that's my favorite kind of weather.

Adam got home, he did some stuff, then left. He came home with a Nissan 350z, and couldn't be happier. Happy for him, he needed a change of events.

Then Dom and I had an issue with someone texting from my phone, which is old. Grow up people. Then I went to Laveen, saw my charbo, showed off the car, and came home.

That's when I sat down and was like...twilight zone...I suddenly was like flipping out about my relationship. My brain created an issue that was never there and I felt the need to talk about it. Stupid thought. We just argued till he said "what's gotten into you" that's when I reevaluated my situation. I woke up, I turned my lights out, I shut my blinds and doors and laid on my bed and smoked a bowl. I then apologized to Dom for being stupid an unbalanced. He forgave me...again.

I swear this is the last time I'm going to put myself or Dom through this doubt of mine. He's not my exs, he's not my enemy, he's my boyfriend. My boyfriend who cares about me, helps me, and is just so much more. There's no reason to doubt him, or question anything about him or I or our relationship. We're just fine. So it was my total stupidity for thinking otherwise. If something is wrong...Dom will be the first to tell me.

Then Thing One came home hella late. He text me for hours, invited me out, yelled at me, and now were saying our sorrys. He's annoying. By far, egotistical...roar!

Anyways, here I lay waiting on my mom to call, but it hasn't stopped raining yet. -.- ugh.

Laci.

Some people, and things never fail to amaze me. Like Samantha and Dom, or the weather, or everything.

Samantha is always on a mood swing it seems like. She never is in the same mood twice, and I'm hoping it's the pregnantcy but who knows anymore. She did cook dinner though.

Dom because I day were fighting, the next day were sending cute text messages. Were the perfect combination of hot and cold. How I miss my boyfriend.

Austin came over this morning and brought me coffee, like te hero he is. I curled my hair today, I did yoga, and I dealt with thing one again. In three hours I'll be dealing with him again. Awesome.

Otherwise I've chilled out in my room smoking some bowls and watching my newest obsession "Pretty Little Liars." So things have been calm.

Hmmm, another bowl, some water, and sleep. Much needed three hour nap before thing one comes home and wakes me up and keeps me up all night.

Till later.

Laci

Fitness wise...my body's sore, and my tummys talking.

On another note, I did not stray from my diet, and my head is noticing. I've had my normal monster of a headache today from me going into diet mode. Normal as usual. :/

Tomorrow, is another day.

Today's the day, the sun is not shinning, but today's the day. I'm going to start yoga today and try and get my life back in balance and get myself back to being healthy.

I'm excited for a new chapter in my life. I need constant change to make me happy. I mean just look at my hair. :)

So take my hand, I'll lead you through my wonderland.

Let's do this.

I also will only be eating grains an fruits for ten days straight. I need as system detox.

Time to shed the pounds.

Wide awake, can't sleep, my mind is cluttered. As I sit on my bed, with my bedroom light dimmed smoking a bowl my thoughts flood my mind.

I sit here and wonder about my boyfriend. If he's okay. Why he's not talking to me. What's going on with him. How much I miss him.

I sit here and think about how I've let my fitness go and how I haven't been eating right at all. It's time to cleanse my system again. Diet and yoga along with weekly runs should snap me back into shape.

I sit here and wonder if I can handle college life. I was reading my text book tonight and realized that business is simply not my cup of tea. I'm trying, but it's not easy.

I sit here and wonder how long it will be till I can race my dirt bike again. How I miss my mud, my dirt, and my desert. I miss my hair flowing in the wind and the sounds of my dirt bike. I miss my bathing suit tops with my blue jeans and sunglasses. I miss the lifted trucks.

Now I sit in Phoenix living in apartment going to college full time and working. I barely see my boyfriend and my family and I are distant. I don't race anymore because I put my life on pause for everything an everyone. I don't model, I have shoots lined up but I never go to them anymore. I don't sing anymore because it seems pointless. I don't teach dance anymore because I see no point in that either.

I feel like I have given everything up...and for what? To please everyone around me. Now I'm a quiet girl who hides in her room and doesn't seem a point in getting dressed. This is a problem. Even my boyfriends sees this very frightening chagne going on.

Instead of living my life, I'm watching it wither away. I want to model, race, teach, sing, and be happy. Time for a change.

Today I change for the better. I will not give up on myself again.

Laci.

I need change. My life's a mess. I'm not happy. Yucky! So... I've decided to try yoga for at least a month.

Wish me luck.

For three days now my boyfriend has told me he is going to come over. For three days now, he hasn't. There's always an excuse or a reason. I mean I support him and I suspect nothing but I miss him. I miss him a lot. I want to be held and cuddled with. I want to see his amazing smile and feel his warm skin. I want my safety zone and my home to come back to me.

I haven't done anything wrong to him, I've stayed by his side and dealt with all his issues as well as my own ad vice versa.

I wonder what is going on that he's been so distant and secretive. We barely talk, we haven't seen each other. I'm getting worried. I understand he's got a lot on his plate as do I but...what the hell man?!

Ugh, anyways today I spent the day with my nose in a text book geeking out. -.- I'm awesome..not.

As I sit outside tonight, and it's beautiful mind you, I begin to see a few months a head of me.

I see my apartment here in Phoenix, I see ASU, I see Savannah turning two, I see new friends, and I still see Dom.

That's unique for me actually, incredibly unique...awkward actually. I normally can't see myself around a guy that long. He's different, and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Anyways...

I met this man by total accident and never had any intentions of getting to know him. I'm happy I did though, I'm glad that he ended up with my number and sending me that first text. Everything following that from the date nights to the endless conversations swept me off my feet. The man had won me over, not only a physical and emotional level but a intellectual level. He was the bad boy with tattoos but probably one of the smartest men I have ever met.

I can always count on him to be the voice of reason in my chaotic life. The wise one durning my stupidest moments. The smile when I frown, the laughter when I cry, that man is prepared to handle me at any moment!

To this day he can amaze me. From his spontaneous visits to the random good night text, there's never a dull moment. He's a busy body, with an open mind and that I absolutely love about him. He has a way with his words, but can be the life of the party. He's two different ends if the spectrum all mashed together. Some would call it weird or awkward, I call it perfect.

I've never felt more at home, or safe around some body. Seeing him changes my day, my mood, my outlook on things. When he hugs me or holds me all my problems dissipate. When he talks to me, my world stops for the moment. When he's around, everything's right.

Don't get me wrong, we fight. We've had our fair share of problems, some worse than others. Lucky for me, he acts like an adult, even when I don't, and we can talk our problems out. We can have conversations and solve things. Again, smarter than the average 22 year old.

I can talk openly with him, even though I don't, I can. I trust him with my life, and my daughter, with no hesitation. I can count on him for great advice or to do his best to help me with a struggle. There's no secrets, there was, but there isn't anymore.

All I can say is this man is different, I got lucky. I got him, I won't let go of him anytime soon. I'll do what's needed to make him and I work. He's my best friend, my boyfriend. There's no need to give up on something good going through a rough spot.

Laci. <3