So it's moving day part one, tomorrow's part two. Austin is moving into his own place and now I'm on the lease with Adam and Dom is moving in I guess, Sam will be here for awhile. Yeah. Fun stuff. So today I got most of Austin's dishes and clothes done and went and saw his apartment. Looks nice and everything. He and Adam unpacked some of his place I stayed here trying to sort threw my brain. Adam and I are staying...I now live in Phoenix, oh dear god! In January I move to Taylor Place in downtown Phoenix...that is going to be a whole new experience. In other news... Dom and I...we're good I think? For the most part. If charbo would fucking work with me here and help this man! No, fuck it new friends. I swore, I promised Dom that I would get new friends, focus on our relationship, and myself for a nice amount of time. He was right, I have been depressed and bitchy to him and it's not right. This whole moving thing was on my nerves, now that's done I'm good. Now to kick off my last Friday night as all of us as roommates.
Friday mornings going to meet friends with fun.
Adding to my textbook collection.
I've been sicker than a dog for two days straight. Body aches, headaches, stuffy nose, and fevers. I hurt constantly and I sleep a lot. I started aintbiodics today, hopefully the DayQuil on top of that helps. Vic's and Gatorade and homemade humidifiers are my best friends. I haven't ate yet, but I'm working on it. I've been so sick that I called my mom and was whining like a little kid begging her to fix me. She told me what to do and I'm starting to feel better. Thank god. Otherwise I've lived in bed, text Dom, deal with life. I miss my boyfriend. I want to cuddle up and watch movies and get all better. Yeah, he's amazing and is always right in what to do for me. I should eat. Laci.
Sick!
Dinner for the roomies!
Austin and mercy!
Yeah my roommates. Austin.
And Adam!
Yup!
Red hair! Don't care! My boyfriends favorite look on me...Laura Croft do. :)
Yeah that happen. I can have a good time anytime!
Laura Croft do. Red and black. Yeah I love it!
She be smiling! I'm absolutely in love with my hair now.
& boom quantum mathematics homework! I'm a nerd! Hate on me!
I Know What It's Like
I know what it's like to be abused
Lost, alone, scared, and confused
I know what it's like to cry all night
Wishing and praying to find the light
I know what it's like to be in pain
To the point where it drives you insane
I know what it's like to look in the mirror
And all you see is your worst fear
I know what it's like to fight the war
The one that's fought deep in your core
I know what it's like to be betrayed
And look at the blood and scars you've made
I know what it's like to go to school
Pretending and acting like it's all cool
I know what it's like to feel the shame
To know that you're losing at you're own game
I know what it's like to look at the stars
And still feel your soul trapped behind bars
I know what it's like to lay on the floor
Wishing that you weren't there anymore
High school has taken me through the four years of my life that I will never forget. Within those four years I've went through many changes and experiences good and bad, but they have made me who I am today. I went through many struggles, school transfers, and had one person help me and keep me going through it all. Along with the high school experiences, I went through some struggles of my own.
Throughout high school I had this constant struggle with my home situation. My sister and her two small children had lived with us till January 2009. My sister was 25 and acting 15, a party girl with no responsibilities, when in reality she did, but was shoving them off on me. While she was out I was in, taking care of her children, cooking, cleaning, and still keeping up with my school work, and listening to her complain about a job and her kids. This became a constant struggle because small children require a lot of time and attention, so it became hard to juggle school and kids. Along with this I began to consider moving back to Ohio to be with my brother, little did I know this was going to be a chain of school transfers.
I started my high school career at Apache Junction High School where many problems arose and had influenced me to leave as well as my home situation. I left there and started at Patrick Henry High School in Hamler Ohio, I left that high school in the middle of my sophomore year. I returned to Apache Junction High School for the remaining part of my sophomore year. I finished that year there and then transferred to Apache Trail High School, where I thought the smaller classes and few students would help me focus. I stayed at Apache Junction High School for my junior, and now my senior year, where I am now graduating from. This school has helped me over come my inner obstacles, such as not making it, and becoming a failure, I can say they've given me hope. Not only has the school helped me but a certain person has as well.
I know I wouldn't have made it to graduation if it wasn't for one certain boy, Toby King. He helped me through some of the worst events in my life. He helped me with my sister and her ex boyfriend, my parents, inner obstacles, and life itself. When I wanted to give up and drop out he wouldn't let me, when I wanted to sleep instead of do school work, he wouldn't let me, even if it meant staying up with me till midnight. He wouldn't, and still won't give up on me. Between the yelling, arguing, late night and early morning conversations he helped me make it this far and I know he's going to push me to go farther and do more with the potential I have. I know without Toby I would not have made it this far and that I thank him for greatly.
In conclusion, throughout my high school career I have seen a lot that has made me who I am today. I can most certainly say these four years have been unforgettable, and are forever in my heart. The one person who helped me get this far, the school transfers, and life struggles have made my life all that more worth wild. Now just like this speech, high school is coming to a close, and I must say goodbye. Thank you to all the teachers and staff member of Apache Trail High School for making this possible.
I don't know where to start right now...but today sucked, except for lunch, yeah lunch was pretty good.
I got up this morning, did my normal, meaning make coffee and go outside to smoke. When I came back in Austin said he wanted to go to the store so he could make lunch. So we go to the store, spend 40 dollars on the stuff to make lunch, and come back home. He cooks and it was one of the most amazing things I've ever tasted. The dude's got mad skill in the kitchen, so much that I will be attending dinners at his place, no seriously.
Then, my day just went from good to bad, from bad to worse...and it like less than 20 seconds. I blinked and things were all sorts of messed up.
Sam's boyfriend came over and we were all sitting outside talking and smoking and just relaxing honestly. No one was talking crap about anyone, no one was being sarcastic or cruel, but out of the blue I start getting text from Adam. He was asking me if we were still good and if were still friends. Well, okay, that's abnormal...of course we're friends, so what in God's name are you talking about?! I guess he thinks, or thought that he overheard something that someone said. No one said anything honestly just relax brother, stop tripping and kick it.
Is that how it played out? Absolutely not. It can never be that easy for me, now can it?
I come upstairs and I'm just drained and I don't want to deal with anything at all, just no. So I grab my purse and my phone and leave. Well I guess something happen up here because my other roommate Austin comes down and finds me and tells me that Adam is upstairs blowing up on Sam and things are just all sorts of unbelievably bad. Well I can't handle it and I don't think Austin wanted to go back upstairs yet, so we walked around for awhile and just talked as I poured my heart out to him about how I feel. We then decided that it was probably a good idea if we went back upstairs because we weren't sure that Adam and Sam were still alive or if they had killed one another.
We get back inside and all seems fine...they were hugging. Great, that's just dandy and everything, but when I had left earlier I had already made a phone call to my sister asking her to come get me. At that exact moment in time I was totally done, I was going to wash my hands of everyone and everything. So I go straight to Austin's room and start gathering my things ad packing them up. I was determined that I was leaving. As I am packing my things I realize I still have the phone that Adam pays for and he bought it, so the right thing to do if I'm going to leave is return it. I go in his room and give him his phone and tell him that I'm leaving. He wanted to talk and I simply said "No, there's no talking, I'm leaving." Did that go as I planned? No, again.
We start talking and Sam pops her head in as I figured she would, and at the point I was boiling. I then broke down. I cried, I choked, I got pissed and quick. I let them both know that they were acting like children, and I couldn't take it anymore. It's heartbreaking to me that these people who were all surrounding me when I was told that I am indeed battling cancer are hounding me and stressing me out consistently and I just want a break. I want silence, I want one moment in my life that doesn't feel like hell or Earth. I also let them know that I just couldn't take the drama, stress, childish acts, foolishness, tip toeing around everyone's feelings, and being shoved around anymore. I had to speak my mind or the planet would have imploded.
In the end I guess you can say the drama died out and everyone supposedly worked out their bull shit. Like I said supposedly. Do I expect someone to start something in a few days...yes. How well will I tolerate it? I won't.
Sam left. Austin went to the hookah bar, and Adam went to work. I am sitting at home tonight in silence...peace...a stress free environment. I mean Austin is home now and sleeping, but I just want to savory the silence. I enjoy it right now.
On top of this all...my boyfriend, my very protective boyfriend finds out there was fight here in the apartment...somehow...I swear he's like a super secret spy. I guess he's been trying to get a hold of me most of the night. Well I just left him a voice mail and text him saying I'm alive...hopefully he gets it and it calms his nerves, otherwise I half expect him to break my door down. That man, yeah I still adore him.
Dom just makes me smile...I miss him...blah.
Now it's bedtime before I start over thinking about my boyfriend whom I miss and want to be cuddled up with right now while watching Netflix in his amazingly comfortable bed and pitch black room.
^GREAT! I'm already doing it.
Goodnight.
Laci
 My roommate Austin made us all lunch and it was so worth it! Fantastic cooking skills!
Today was filled with stress, pain, drama, the normal as it stands right now. I woke up on the couch because my roommate and I were dying in the heat and just couldn't get comfortable so we took turns migrating between the bed and the couch. He finally fell asleep in his bed and I fell asleep on the couch, I woke up to being covered up and forgetting how I even landed on the couch. I was a hot mess this morning.
I then just get up and say fuck it because once I'm up, I'm up, that's all she wrote. I started my music which woke up Austin who then wanted coffee, and I had no problem with that, as I am the official caffeine whore.
Then Adam got up or appeared, which ever, and we all hung out in the kitchen/ living room area and just talked as they smoked hookah. I made myself breakfast and then went out to my normal spot...the balcony.
Then Samantha came home and we did some running. As the day moved forward though I continued to battle with some horrible back pain and finally broke down and made a trip to the ER.
I haven't mentioned it, blogged about it, or really even talked about it, but I shall...now.
1...2...3...jump.
A few days ago I got some of the most heart shattering news about myself. I have a lovely history of back pain, but not a muscle pain or anything. It was always my spine that hurt, or my bones in general. Well I let my doctors run some more extensive test come to find out that I am battling slow progressing bone cancer. It explains a lot, and it feels good to have an answer finally, but bone cancer isn't curable it's just treatable and it's painful and will cost me an arm and leg. I still to this very moment don't know if I'm doing treatments or if I will continue my life the way it is. All I know is that I can't live my life in pain. I'm to active for this.
Right now to treat it, I'm using numbing patches that the ER gave me and a narcotic. How I'm going to continue to treat it? I haven't figured that out yet.
But since we're talking about all this medical stuff and what not...my parents made some choices that I can't say I was happy with. They put my boyfriend as my emergency contact and made it so that he can get my medical records, and also that he gets called if something happens with me. Alright, now...I mean I love Dom to pieces, I trust him with everything I have, but he's 22 and we've been together...what...like five months. He's not responsible for me or my health. Why are we putting him in this situation? My parents answer..."Well he lives here in the state, and he seems to care about your medical well being, and he always knows where you are and what your doing." Now granted my parents have a valid reason and everything...I still don't see this as being okay.
Actually I feel like I got diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden people are taking an interest in me and suddenly care about me and my health. Are you serious? Where were you all before this? That's right...too busy with yourselves. Now baby sister got sick and you all text and call and want to hang out...it doesn't work like that. Now my family is putting things in place in case something happens with me? Woah bro, I am 22, I just found out, and you're all tripping thinking I'm going to die the next day.
Ugh, whatever.
Other than that, today's been a fairly decent day.
Time to go medicate and kick it for the rest of the night.
Laci <3
Today my boyfriend tells me heart breaking news. He may end moving to Utah if a deal we have with someone else falls through. That's all bad. This man means everything to me. I finally found someone I care about, maybe love. I get along with him, I can talk to him, I trust him. I think about him all the time. For once I don't want to destroy it. Ugh. This too shall pass or be worked out. Laci <3
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